Saturday, December 8, 2012

Parenting #2

Ok, Hold on... This might be a long one. But I wanted to share some principles on parenting that I have learned and have applied to some scriptures and or quotes for General authorities. The principles that I have learned are taken from the Books Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn and Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting by Laurence Steinberg.
 
Principle #1
Don’t be in a Hurry:
“We can’t always control our schedules, even if it would be nice to have more time…parents become more controlling when time is short, just as they do when they’re in public. The combination of the two conditions is a killer. When you have some quiet time, sit down with your spouse to determine where it might be possible to change your schedule in order to reduce the likelihood of having to rush your child…”Don’t be in a hurry” has another meaning. It might be thought of as a remind to slow down and savor your time with your kids, they grow up fast, and it’s true.” Kohn page 138-139

Doctrine and Covenants 88:32 “ And they who remain shall also be quickened; nevertheless they shall return again to their own place to enjoy that which they are willing to receive…”

“There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions…Let us simplify our lives a little. Let us make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship—the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace”. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf


Principle #2
Can you spoil your Child with Love?
“If parents would worry more about not paying enough attention to their children and less about spoiling them, the world would be a better place…but I’ve never met a child who was worse off because his parents loved him too much. It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love… your child will not be harmed by being told every single day that you love him. Your child will not be harmed by being reminded that she is a source of endless happiness for you. Taking the time to rock your child to sleep before putting her to bed is as good for you as it is for her. Steinberg page 27-31

While it make be possible to spoil kids with too many things, it isn't possible to
Spoil them with too much (unconditional) love." Kohn page 153

Moroni 8:17 “And I am filled with charity, which is everlasting love; wherefore all children are alike unto me; wherefore, I love little children with a perfect love; and they are all alike and partakers of salvation.”

Jacob 3:7 “Behold their husbands love their wives, and their wives love their husbands; and their husbands and their wives love their children…”


Principle #3
Hear your Child’s Point of View
“You are not the only one who has an opinion about the rules that structure your child’s life. Your child has a point of view, too. It’s often a good idea to find out what it is. Sometimes your child’s opinion is reasonable, sensible and logical. Many times, it’s not. But you’ll never know if you never ask.” Steinberg page 170

Moses 1:2 “And he say God face to face, and he talked with him…”


Principle #4
The Failure of Rewards
“Researchers have found that children who are rewarded for doing something nice are less likely to think of themselves as nice people. Instead they tend to attribute their behavior to the reward. Then when there’s no longer a good to be gained, they’re less likely to help than are kids who weren’t given a reward in the first place…After all, they’ve learned that the point of coming to someone’s aid is just to get a reward. Kohn page 32

Alma 26:11-12 “… I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom…yeah I know that I am nothing as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God”

Principle #5
Capabilities of Children
“…Some parents don’t understand-or else they just ignore- how kids below a certain age simply can’t be expected to eat nearly or keep quiet in a public place. Young children don’t yet possess the skills that would make it sensible to hold them accountable for their behavior in the same what that we hold an adult or even an older child accountable….They become frustrated by what they see as inappropriate behavior and crack down on little kids for being little kids.” Kohn page 100-101

Moroni 8:22 “For behold that all little children are alive in Christ, and also all they that are without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them that have no law; wherefore, he that is not condemned, or he that is under no condemnation, cannot repent; and unto such baptism availeth nothing.”

Principle #6
Adjust your parenting to your Childs temperament.
“All children come into the world with an inborn temperament that influences how active they are, how easily they become frustrated or distressed, and how well they adapt to change. Your child’s innate disposition influences the way he responds to virtually everything he encounters.” Steinberg page 70

1 Corinthians 7:7 “For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.”

Principle #7
Be Consistent
“ The easiest way to help a child learn how to behave appropriately is to make her good behavior a habit that she doesn’t even have to think about. You do this by being consistent from day to day in your parenting…consistency in your daily routines will breed consistency in your parenting.”

Doctrine and Covenants 3:1-2 “ The works, and the designs, and the purposes of God cannot be frustrated, neither can they come to naught. For God doth not walk in crooked paths, neither doth he turn to the right hand nor to the left, neither doth he vary from that which he hath said, therefore his paths are straight, and his course is one eternal round.”



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